I'm sure everyone gets this question.I do. And it's the answer I hate replying too.TWO! I have two daughters. One that soars in heaven, and one who runs on earth.That one reply, one that soars...So, Let's talk about something that people think is taboo, or morbid or, such a tragedy that it's just too horrible to talk about. Baby loss. Pregnancy loss.I've had 5 miscarriages and one stillbirth. Each loss was devastating. But my stillbirth was the hardest. Everything was ready for her. We had just purchased her car seat. My dad was making her a crib. (By mean making, building from wood. his plan. the plan that he made for us, his 4 kids. and his 8 grandchildren to use) Monday March 13th 2006, I was 35 weeks pregnant. And I had noticed i hadn't felt her kick that day, and day before. It was a busy weekend. So I tried to find her heartbeat on a Doppler at home. I thought i wasn't using it right because it wasn't working. I just decided to go to the Labor and Delivery. The OB tried to find her heartbeat and also nothing. They ordered a ultrasound. There they saw she was face down, and had no heartbeat. I was induced that night, I laid in L&D till Wednesday morning, when they finally broke my water. At 8:40 am, I felt something down there, and sure enough there was her head.
At 8:48 am, Haley Lynn was born silently. It was Haley's dad, (my ex husband) my mom, my dad, my stepmother, and I there. We all got to say hello, and see you again all in one day. My nurse gave her a bath, took pictures, took her hand and footprints, and a lock of hair for me. We spent a few hours with her, and I was discharged. We went home. Our arms empty. my heart was shattered. I WANTED MY BABY!! It was so hard going home because all of her stuff was still out. Her car seat still in the box, a dresser full of baby girl clothes. My dad put my crib aside. He said he couldn't look at it for a while. We had a graveside service for Haley a few days later. I was burying my daughter. Parents are not supposed to bury their children.
Sixteen years have gone by. And in those 16 years i have learned a lot about pregnancy and infant loss.1. Get pictures, foot hand prints. A Lock of hair. 2. Hold your baby. And take them home if you're able too, ( i found out later, i could have.)3. Take as much time to grieve, take time off of work.
4. There is no time limit for grief. And If you're on the friend side some things not to say. 1. Never say, "At least...."
"something was wrong""god wanted him/her more""You can have another""Be thankful for your living children""I know how you feel, I lost my grandpa...""It was Gods Will"Really, Just say, "I'm sorry"
Help with some meals, or a chore around the house.
So, I have 2 daughters.
I would have a junior and a sophomore.
Don't clench up, and make a horrified face when I mention her name, she is still and will always be a part of my life. Stillbirth/miscarriage happens to 1 of 5 pregnancies. Kick counts, count!! Do them!! I just thought I was far enough that she didn't have room too. Wrong!
Im Still Here!
Since my last post, Ive been through so much. My dad suddenly passed away from a heart attack at his house. We were not close, but I still loved him. I was going to call him that day too. Its horrible having both parents gone. My stepfather also passed away. weird how my 3 parents all passed away in May. within 4 years of each other. Dates and me are very unique! Especially the month of March. Anyways, I also had a huge back surgery. I had my L4/L5 and my, S1 fused. Life after spinal fusion has been very interesting. My limits have been tested. My frustration levels are high, not being able to move a certain direction has been challenging. Here's what I have figured out with spinal fusion. 1, sleep nude, or in a silk nighty, (<--- cheaper) and or have silk sheets. it makes it easier to slide around in bed. And trust me, you will be sliding around! 2, wear your brace! Its cumbersome, but will help. I did every time i got up. I wore it so much that after 5 some weeks post-op, i had rubbed my "bump" (more on my bump later) i raced to my back dr, and i had rubbed it so much it was very angry, red, and very painful! So i was excused from wearing my brace. 3. My "Bump" it was at the surgical site where my hard ware sits. Yes, Hard wear. I now have 6 lovely titanium screws in my back. It was so hard to lay in bed. It was hell getting in and out of bed. My man would be right there to help me get into bed. It was nice having him, "tuck me in" to bed! It took almost 5 minutes those first few weeks. And then with my bump i had to lay sideways almost. 4. Keep up with your pain meds! They do work if you take them as said too! They did for me!5. Get a walker, a cane, a bath chair, and a raised toilet seat. seems funny, but all of those items will help you. I used my walker for the first month. And then my cane. The raised toilet seat was used for maybe a month, and now I have some toilet bars, and they are nice to have. The bathtub chair was the best! It was nice sitting in the shower to shower, we have a removable shower head, so it was perfect! My first shower was at a week after. Our shower is in a corner, so it was a step up, and then a huge step down. Make sure you have a bath mat so you don't slip, and my man was there helping. He actually washed my hair for me! Shaving my legs was difficult. Use press and seal! It does work! 6. Take the help offered! My mans mom lives next door, so she was with me the first few days i was home. She cleaned the kitchen and made dinner as well! That was very nice. Shockingly, my 15 year old daughter helped with dishes a few times! WOW!7. Now your told not to, lift, push, pull, squat, bend, twist, stay straight. Its hard to do, or not to do.Its a struggle, but with my tribe, we get it done! some back pictures, and my x-rays!
