How many kids do you have...?

I'm sure everyone gets this question.I do. And it's the answer I hate replying too.TWO! I have two daughters. One that soars in heaven, and one who runs on earth.That one reply, one that soars...So, Let's talk about something that people think is taboo, or morbid or, such a tragedy that it's just too horrible to talk about. Baby loss.  Pregnancy loss.I've had 5 miscarriages and one stillbirth. Each loss was devastating. But my stillbirth was the hardest.  Everything was ready for her. We had just purchased her car seat.  My dad was making her a crib. (By mean making, building from wood. his plan. the plan that he made for us, his 4 kids. and his 8 grandchildren to use) Monday March 13th 2006, I was 35 weeks pregnant.  And I had noticed i hadn't felt her kick that day, and day before.   It was a busy weekend.  So I tried to find her heartbeat on a Doppler at home.  I thought i wasn't using it right because it wasn't working.  I just decided to go to the Labor and Delivery.  The OB tried to find her heartbeat and also nothing.  They ordered a ultrasound.  There they saw she was face down, and had no heartbeat.  I was induced that night,  I laid in L&D till Wednesday morning, when they finally broke my water.  At 8:40 am, I felt something down there, and sure enough there was her head. 
At 8:48 am,  Haley Lynn was born silently.  It was Haley's dad, (my ex husband) my mom, my dad, my stepmother, and I there.  We all got to say hello, and see you again all in one day.  My nurse gave her a bath, took pictures, took her hand and footprints, and a lock of hair for me.  We spent a few hours with her, and I was discharged.  We went home.  Our arms empty.  my heart was shattered.  I WANTED MY BABY!! It was so hard going home because all of her stuff was still out.  Her car seat still in the box, a dresser full of baby girl clothes.  My dad put my crib aside.  He said he couldn't look at it for a while.  We had a graveside service for Haley a few days later.  I was burying my daughter.  Parents are not supposed to bury their children.   
Sixteen years have gone by.  And in those 16 years i have learned a lot about pregnancy and infant loss.1.  Get pictures, foot hand prints.  A Lock of hair. 2. Hold your baby.  And take them home if you're able too, ( i found out later, i could have.)3. Take as much time to grieve, take time off of work. 
4.  There is no time limit for grief. And If you're on the friend side some things not to say. 1. Never say, "At least...." 
"something was wrong""god wanted him/her more""You can have another""Be thankful for your living children""I know how you feel, I lost my grandpa...""It was Gods Will"Really, Just say,  "I'm sorry" 
Help with some meals, or a chore around the house.  
So,  I have 2 daughters.  
I would have a junior and a sophomore. 
Don't clench up, and make a horrified face when I mention her name, she is still and will always be a part of my life.    Stillbirth/miscarriage happens to 1 of 5 pregnancies. Kick counts, count!!  Do them!! I just thought I was far enough that she didn't have room too. Wrong!