Lets chat about health. Physical, mental, and, with your insides. As long as I can remember, I would get this icky feeling upon me. I felt this when I was young, Id complain, but was told that I played soccer too hard, or played softball, so that is what it was from. (according to my parents) Sometimes it would sneak up on me, id feel worse as the night went on. Id feel stiff and my body would just ache. Id have a dull headache, my tummy would cramp, my anxiety was horrible, like i could climb the walls. Id get hot and cold flashes. Id feel, "tough" as my mom would say she would feel too sometimes. She would say she would feel the same way. And her mom too had the same symptoms, I later would find out. Mom said Grandma would sit there and just sweat, like dripping sweat. She would sit down in front of a fan till the, "hot flash" would go away. When it would happen when i lived alone in a little place called Sutliff. I drank a lot, so I just blamed it on the alcohol. It passed for some years, I didn't really feel it till I was in my early 40s. The first time it hit me again, it felt like i had hit a brick wall. I was down. I woke up around 3 am, just soaked. I went to the bathroom to change my clothes, and i could literally ring out my pj's. For almost a week i was on my chair, trying to get better. I couldn't eat anything, so i would eat ice chips, or sip green tea, anything i ingested, sent me running to the bathroom. Head hurt, body just ached, Hot then cold, sweating, hot then cold, my tummy felt weird, horrible anxiety. This went on like once a month for about a year. I thought it was menopause. And to be honest, I was fine with that. My Dr did too. We did some blood work, and it showed i was on the cusp of starting menopause. I really started to think about what else it could be. It had to be something i was ingesting. I drank pop during the day, and green tea with ginseng and honey. I did a breath test for glucose, passed that. And then I did another breath test for High Fructose Corn Syrup. I responded to that test quite well. So, there was my diagnosis. And I was upset. I loved Dr Pepper. I loved my green tea with ginseng and honey. So now I had to cut all that out. We think that I was ingesting it to the point it was building up, and then it got to the point where my body couldn't handle it, Bam, Bitch you're down. I cut the pop, and Tea. I started to drink just water, and slowly started to bring stuff back into my diet. But, who would have thought that a Intolerance to High Fructose Corn Syrup would be what was making me sick. Really Sick. I actually feel a little better just drinking water!
I also have an autoimmune condition, called, Adult Onset Still's Disease. Its a Rare, severe, form of Rheumatoid Arthritis. I was diagnosed with this when I was just about to turn 21. With this I also have a stiff joints, my whole body feels like a big charlie horse. My Blood work was all wonky, especially my WBC count was really High. In fact they thought i had leukemia, and i was sent to see an oncologist. Id have a low grade fever, a salmon colored itchy rash, and my throat was sore too. I remember when they were still trying to figure out what was wrong with me, my Rheumy would grab students, or other Drs, to come look at my rash. like i was the huge Gem someone found. I have been on prednisone since 1999. Im on such a low dose now, im trying to get off of them. I also do an infusion at home, Actemra. I just stick it in my leg. My rheumy had a hunch that something else was wrong with me because of one blood test that was concerning to him. He studied it and then knew what it was, Antisynthetase syndrome pl 7. Huh?! Yeah, I had some studying to do too now. So, with this now explained a lot. So symptoms are inflammation of the muscles. (myositis, got that!) Inflammation of several joints, (polyarthritis, which I have) Thickening and cracking of the skin, especially on the hands, (oh yes, my hands get so dry, and they crack open) Raynaud phenomenon, where my fingers and toes go numb, turn white, and ill have a prickly sensation especially when Its cold. So, when I say I do not feel good, one of those conditions have me down. I do not work, I cant work, I've heard the, "It must be nice to not work!" yeah, It. Really. Is. I hate it. I loved to work, I've had some kick ass co-workers. Its awesome to have this so I can stay home. (😏 ) And then Ill hear, "oh my friend has arthritis in his knee and he does this and that!" well, good for your buddy, (👏👏) first of all, that is one joint, what I have affects every single joint. And just because your buddy can do it, doesn't mean that I can. I've heard, "well if you get up and move around...." I've been called lazy before too. (😣😠) I wish that that "person" could have these conditions for a week and then talk to me. Its frustrating. And it hurt to hear such a thing, especially since it came from a loved one. I dont talk about it, or post about it, for attention. Or for sympathy.
I post for awareness. So the next time you think it's nice to be able to, be home all the time, please know I think it must be nice to be able to work.
October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month.
Remembering my daughter, Haley LynnBorn still, 3/15/2006
Proclamation 5890 -- Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, 1988 October 25, 1988 By the President of the United States of America A Proclamation Each year, approximately a million pregnancies in the United States end in miscarriage, stillbirth, or the death of the newborn child. National observance of Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, 1988, offers us the opportunity to increase our understanding of the great tragedy involved in the deaths of unborn and newborn babies. It also enables us to consider how, as individuals and communities, we can meet the needs of bereaved parents and family members and work to prevent causes of these problems. Health care professionals recognize that trends of recent years, such as smaller family size and the postponement of childbearing, adds another dimension of poignance to the grief of parents who have lost infants. More than 700 local, national, and international support groups are supplying programs and strategies designed to help parents cope with their loss. Parents who have suffered their own losses, health care professionals, and specially trained hospital staff members are helping newly bereaved parents deal constructively with loss. Compassionate Americans are also assisting women who suffer bereavement, guilt, and emotional and physical trauma that accompany post-abortion syndrome. We can and must do a much better job of encouraging adoption as an alternative to abortion; of helping the single parents who wish to raise their babies; and of offering friendship and temporal support to the courageous women and girls who give their children the gifts of life and loving adoptive parents. We can be truly grateful for the devotion and concern provided by all of these citizens, and we should offer them our cooperation and support as well. The Congress, by Senate Joint Resolution 314, has designated the month of October 1988 as ``Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month'' and authorized and requested the President to issue a proclamation in observance of this month. Now, Therefore, I, Ronald Reagan, President of the United States of America, do hereby proclaim the month of October 1988 as Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. I call upon the people of the United States to observe this month with appropriate programs, ceremonies, and activities. In Witness Whereof, I have hereunto set my hand this twenty-fifth day of October, in the year of our Lord nineteen hundred and eighty-eight, and of the Independence of the United States of America the two hundred and thirteenth. Ronald Reagan
I've always had cats. I remember my first kitty, Paxton. Tiger stripped. he was my baby. I lost Paxton in a fire I had back in 2001. That was hard. Then there was Titus. He was a grey kitty, and when id get home, he'd run up to me and wrap his arms around my neck. He was a sweetheart. I got him when i found out i was pregnant, in 2006. He would sleep on my belly. He got ourside and i never saw him again. I also had a calico, rag doll, beautiful female, he name was MFK. lol, Mutha Fruckin Kat, OR, Miss Forrest Kitty! She knew when I said, MFK she was in trouble. I got her when I had Paxton, she was the cat I took to re-home the day of my fire. I got her back like 3 months later. I then re-homed her again to a family member. after I lost Haley, I got her back. She was a snuggle buggle, she would crawl under the blanket and up to my armpit where she would, "make bread" (my mom would say) and drool.
she got sick so i had to make that hard decision to put her down. I didn't think I was going to have any other cats till Hawkeye came around. He was just a little kitten. and he wouldn't even go near me. He'd high five my hand and step back. It got really cold, and i thought he passed. one day i was outside, and there he was, on my lap. He loved my mom. Hed sit on our porch and look in at us. I finally got him fixed and he came inside. Hes about 9 now. and is the sweetest cat ever. He loves to cuddle. He loved sitting on my moms lap. And sleeping with her. when mom passed, Hawkeye knew something happened. we moved, and he would cry at night for my mom. I was handed a kitten one day from a homeless guy, a little black kitty. Not even a day old, still had the umbilical cord on her. I took her to the animal clinic, and there they found a foster home. She came back to the animal clinic, and I adopted her. she was 5 weeks old when i brought her home. she was loud and very bold! Hawkeye adjusted quick. And she doesn't cover her shit!! yeah, she can clear a room! I thought my heart was full till one day my man and I were looking for a puppy. a friend of his dog had puppies and they were Siberian Husky. we went and picked one out, and when she was 5 weeks old, she came home with us. My daughter was tickled pink! She, Patches, was the best puppy. when she was almost 2, she got pregnant. From a full blooded Siberian Husky. she had 6 puppies, 4 girls, and 2 boys. we were just going to keep the white male pup, until i went to check on them and the first born, (the runt) was moving around so i picked her up and she had one eye open! I knew then she wasn't leaving. I named her, Jemma. the male we named, Gideon. Jemma is a stinker, and very bold, talkative, she loves to cuddle, and my shadow. She follows me. Shes the hunter, any small critter that gets in our yard, usually dont make it out of our yard. she hates squirrels. I think they nest in the tree in our yard on purpose. Gideon is a shy guy. Hes very timid, and will ape Jemma. I never thought id be a dog mom. but here i am with 3 doggos. These fur-kids are my life. They go everywhere with me, (weather permitted) Even the two female Guinea pigs we have. We have a mother and her baby. Mama, Mia, was about a year and we took her baby who was 4 weeks that day. they are pure black. Mia is timid, and Lulu, is a little stinker butt. She wheeks a lot, and got her mama to do it too. They love their veggies! I love that noise, Its a neat noise! My heart is full, but can overflow with my love for my kiddos. I want more, but will have to wait. I want to have a few mini donkeys. they fascinate me, and have heard their very affectionate. I also will add a few fainting goats, Id love a Billy goat too! I need a farm, a few more dogs too. My kids are important. They are part of the family. They're good kids. They're good listeners, and love to wash your face. And, its proven that cats and dogs helps with depression. They do. Go get a Kid.
Let's talk about Love. Look at your current situation. What is it about it that you love?Are you in a relationship? Or just love being you and on your own? Living with the one you love isn't easy, but it's not hard. When your with them, it shouldn't be about who did or didn't do what. Living with the one you love should go smooth, like you two never missed a beat even though it took 20 years to find each other again. It should be making sure your man has clean clothes for the week , and a meal on the table after work, sitting down together as a family to eat dinner every night. We both love to do the same things, fishing, camping, Huskies, boating, eating, hunting, football, (i may have actually turned him on to football...😁)Its meeting both families, (blood or not) and they all love you and your other. It's not about what he bought me or a ring. Or how big their bank account is, or their home. Showering together to save water, watching some Hulu, and binge watch because you just want too. Being myself with him. And know that its OK to let one rip around him, (blame it on the dog, lol) blasting the radio and singing at the top of my lungs, and he thinks I sound beautiful. (when I know I don't, lol) and knowing that I can tell him anything. Going to bed together every night, and knowing that their just in arms reach. And every morning waking up together, to spend an hour before work, having coffee. Watching your other with your fur-kids. And with my human child. I love how hes not jealous, picky, or mean to her. They mesh well! They throw food at each other at the dinner table, and try to scare each other too. And I know that he would do anything for her.
I can literally count on one hand how many fights we have had in the almost seven years we have been together. Why argue? and over stupid stuff, like laundry, chores, or kids. Its just doing them without the fight. If you have to always ask yourself if you've made the right decision, then you probably didn't. Why stay and continue to fight, don't you want to be happy, and your other to be happy too? Then just go. Don't continue to be unhappy.Love is a number of things. We just have to find that other person that is the one you see yourself together in the future. And there is someone for everyone! Peace and Love. JMM
