When my mom fell sick, I was just getting out of a horrible relationship. So I moved in with her to help her out. She then didn't know what she was sick. A few months went by, and she went to the doctor. It was pancreatic cancer, stage 4. That was May of 2014. She started chemo. I took her to all her chemo appointments and her radiation appointments when she had it. She woke me up many times in the night for ER visits. I have 2 sisters, sister A, and she helped out a lot. Sister B, not really. I could always tell when her cancer went into remission, vrs when it would be back full force. When she ate, we could literally hear the food drop into her stomach. She would take two bites and run for the bathroom. It was awful watching something so nasty take my beautiful, awesome, smart mom. Mom had diaries she started when she got sick. Letters to us girls. I'll get back to those.She was in so much pain that they gave her a few Fentanyl patches. (Very dangerous! Do not use those! ) She had one on and went to go to the bathroom, and she fell. I couldn't get her back up, so I had to call our neighbor, who was a good friend of my mother's, to help me pick her up and put her back into bed. We had baby monitors, so if she needed anything, she would just yell in to the baby monitor. She hollered once overnight, I helped her to the bathroom, and back to bed with ease. The next morning, I was getting my daughter up for a school field trip, it was about 7am, my daughter was about 6, we heard a big thud, my daughter ran to her bathroom ahead of me and was the first one to see her head first in to her bath tub. When I got there, I helped her up to sit her on the toilet. That pain patch had her so fucked up, she kept falling. I grabbed a rubber glove and pulled that damn patch off her and wrapped it in the glove. I called the neighbor back and by the time he got to our house, her forehead had a HUGE goose egg the size of a golf ball. I called 911. And i Gave that patch to the paramedic. She was taken too hospital and put in the ICU. No bleeding on her brain, thankfully! She spent about a week in the hospital. The hospital hooked mom up with some things. 1. She started to get meals om wheels. 2. A nurses aid to come help her showers. Which was awesome to have. I have RA and a bad back so it was hard for me to do certain things. She had a few wonderful ladies that would come and help. Sister B asked me about this notebook that our mom had, where she recorded her med times. It was all scribbles. So I told her I'd watch her more closely. 
So one day I noticed she was kind of loopy. When her helper arrived and helped her in to the shower, I was going to count her pain medication. She was taking morphine at this time. (Which I'm actually allergic too) When they were in the bathroom, this is where I fucked up, I took her meds and counted them, at that time that helper saw me. I knew she did too. After she was done, she went outside and called sister A. That next day or so, hospice came out and put every med of hers in a locked box but a weeks worth of meds.
About a week later, my daughter came home from school with a 102. Temp. I called Sister b to help. Nope, she can't, and neither of her 4 kids can't either. Sister A decided to come out and get mom and take her to her house because by then, I caught it.
We had food. She complained about the meals on wheels food. I had a food card, and I'd get mom whatever she wanted. And her laundry, it was going. She always did hers in the afternoon, so when it was done, I took it to her.
So there, that's what happened.
I see who reads my blog, so I'm hoping that someone Sees this!
Love and peace, Jill
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